Hope, dangles on a string...

I'm so emotionally mixed right now.

I miss Katie already. She was over for a few days and she made me feel better about myself. We always have fun.

I miss Stephs/enkeli/PIC/my fiance/morningstar/my vamp/my cookie/muffin. My P.I.C. has had to start over with her life and we won't be able to talk for years. I won't forget about her though. I love her. S.J.E, I heart you. And I seriously miss you. Hopefully we'll see each other one day. <333

I love Tracey and Kimmie, but I talk to them all the time, it's impossible to not miss them, though. I love them.

And of course, I love Sophie. I have to put her in here. She's my wife and one day, my roommate. I'll save her from herself. My snow white queen.

I was recently harrassed by some guy on the internet. He knew that I had a wife *points to Sophie* and he started harrassing me about wanting to see me without clothes, seeing her, us kissing, and it didn't really bother me, except when he said things about her, when he didn't know her. I never even told him her name and he called her a slut and said he was going to kill her. That actually pissed me off.

I hate my school. I hate my town. I hate America. I hate the people in my town and in my school. Nuff said about that.

I decided not to go to school today, because I didn't feel like it. *shrugs*

And, I hate Caitlin and Eryn. I hate their stupid friend Amie. I like Kera a bit now. And I like Charley. And Rachael. And Sarah. All sweeties.

-Leesh

Life is really starting to suck nowadays. I wrote before about how I was friends with Diana and Rachel? Hah. Diana, at this moment, is ignoring me for an online friend. Can you understand that? I fucking can't. It pisses me off. Her online friend hates me beyond belief. Which really isn't hard to do. I find it funny though, her friend and I used to be friends when I didn't like Sophie, but then, when I was loving Sophie (wife not that one that Stephie hates), she hated me. I mean, god, I really didn't do anything. She just said she hates hearing people bitch. Diana is the Queen of Bitching. I swear. She bitches about EVERYTHING. Every-fucking-thing. But then, she doesn't care about what you say, she just compares it to her life. I tried to tell her that I was depressed, and I got a 'why?' 'Why' does not help. That makes me worse. I DO NOT want to go into why I'm the way I am. I simply want some love and compassion, and help. That's all. Why can't anyone understand that? Is that so fucking hard to understand?! Ugh! No one gets that I'm a cold, lonely girl that hates herself and wants to die. All they see is a 'living dead' girl who wears black and rarely ever talks. I'm more than that. I have a personality you know. I have feelings. Can't you respect that shit?

Well, that was one thing. The next thing is Mikko, my mother, and Ville. (Yes, I know a person named Ville. Doesn't mean I know Ville Valo, though I have met him. And just because I've met HIM and I'm Finnish, does NOT mean I know them all like they're in my family, so stop asking so many damn questions about them!) Mikko is like a brother, only he's my ex. He cares waaay too much about me. But, in a creepy way. Like, he found out that I was cutting. So, he yelled at me and then..hugged me... Strange. Then I said that I felt like cutting and started scratching my wrists. He punched me across the face, causing me to fall down, face flat on the floor, my nose was nearly broken. It hurt very badly, but you should have seen his face. Tears were coming out of his eyes so quickly and he was apologizing like a mad man. It made me feel so bad that three seconds before, I was planning to choke him.

Now my mother.

She thinks she can control my life by every aspect of it. She's going to move me to North Carolina so Sophie, Kimmie, Stephanie, Rachael, Sarah, Diana, Katie, and Mikko have no way of getting to me. She's going to take my cell phone away, ship me off to a private school-thing, take away my laptop, and I'm not allowed to leave her until I'm about 20 anyway. It's some kinda law that the judge or whatever sentenced me a long time ago. Blah. I'm too much trouble.

Ville, I love you, but you're annoying. Lol. Kidding. You're awesome but stop asking who Sophie is, first learn how to say her name correctly and THEN listen to me when I talk, sweetheart. That might help.

Time for my semi-daily update that I actually will write myself.

Okay, so my parents decided it would be a better idea if they took me back to America so I didn't make more trouble in Helsinki. Razzy, Skyler, and Mikko came with me. So, there was a party with a bunch of pot heads and crack whores, people from a cult, skateboarders, jocks, and sluts. Pretty much the entire time I just talked to Sophie on the phone. Cause, she's much more entertaining then the others. Even though we kept talking at the same time and then apologizing and forgettting what we said. Then both of our phones got messed up after we spoke to each other for three hours. So, I dressed up in leather and painted my face like Eric Draven from The Crow, and went outside with a toy gun and chased everyone around and scared the shit out of everyone except Mikko, he knew it was me. Then Razzy came out crying because she wanted me to go to bed with her. She actually is like, in love with Brandon Lee/Eric Draven so I didn't frighten her. That's basically it. I'm expecting Katie and Kimmie to call me, and Diana won't pick up her damn phone. And I can't call Sophie cuz her phone is fucked up. And, I don't think it's a great idea to call Stephs a.k.a my sexy muffin a.k.a my fiance whom I love dearly.

R.I.P Brandon Lee.

Feel better, Sophie.

Good luck at your jobs, Steph, Sophie, and Kimmie. And, I shall go to my interview now. This'll be wonder-fucking-ful.

Basically, my life's been good and bad. I've started talking to Kimmie again and I'm friends with Rachel and Diana now. So like, now I get along with almost everyone. Just like, excluding two people. But hey, that's okay cuz I don't like them anyways. I still have my wife Sophie and my fiance, whom I'm just going to call Hunni Bunni. Cause that's what I call her anyways. My site is still running and I have lots of members. So, I'm happy about all of that.

But for all of you who are actually reading this and somewhere in their thick minds think that Finland/Helsinki/Where I live is a good place, well it is, but not a lot of the people are. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of kultas (sweethearts) here but assholes as well. But there are those everywhere, I suppose. Just, don't go out with anyone because they seem like a sweetheart. I've learned that. And, people here are quick to turn against you. Like the ass I live with, Mikko. And my boyfriend. Both against me and hate me oh so much. And, my parents are angry with me for 'choosing a boyfriend who hits me'...how the hell was I supposed to know he would turn abusive?!

Ask me 1 question for each of the following:

1. Friends
2. Sex
3. Music
4. Drugs
5. Love
6. Livejournal

No matter how rude, sexual, or confidential.
Then post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked!

You Are 68% Brutally Honest

Most of the time, you tell it like it is. Even if it's hard for people to hear. Sometimes you hold back though, because you never want your honesty to be hurtful.

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

That's right, I am sarcastic.

I'm back home, but my mother and father are pissed off at me and decided it would be better for me to go to Finland and stay there for the rest of my life. They think I don't want to, but I'd much rather be in Helsinki, Finland then stay in America. So, on July 31st, I will be Finnish and not American. I'm bringing my laptop and cellphone, so I'll still be on and I have to go back to school. At least Rachel won't be there. Neither will Lindsey, who was arrested for aiding us. Mikko and I, nothing happened to us. We got hugged by Mikko's parents and my little sisters. We got screamed at by my parents who took my cell phone away to look at the contacts and text messages and voicemail. Of course, they were really mad when they found out I was texting a person I met online. Though, I don't care. They erased her messages and her number, which doesn't make much sense since I can just get it again anyway.

(Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

✓ I miss somebody right now.	✓ I don't watch much TV these days.	× I own lots of books.  (Ha ha. No.)
✓ I wear glasses or contact lenses.  (Contact Lenses.)	× I love to play video games.  (Not really.)	× I've tried marijuana.  (Nope.)
× I've watched porn movies.  (No and I don't plan on it.)	× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.  (Nope.)	✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
✓ I curse sometimes.	✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.	× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.  (Not really.)

( it goes on... )

I got home from work today and Rachel had, as I thought she would, toucehd Mikko. He's still sick, and she had hit him a few times. She cut his arm up with a knife. She's a sick person, I swear. Well, my slutty friend Lindsey got her arrested and hopefully we'll never see that stupid whore ever again. Mikko was scared the entire time, so I had to stay with him. I felt so bad for him.

He seems fine at this point. We're watching Devil's Rejects and he's very content and he says he's feeling better. And I'm glad.

Well, back to writing with my darling, Sophie and my love, Kimmie. And of course, I have to talk to the deranged, psych- I mean the beautiful, wonderful, loving Queen Of Finland, the mother of CKY, my cookie, my P.I.C., my darling, my sexy star, and her name is Stephie. I can call her whatever I want. Ha ha.

Last night I had to put up with Rachel's bullshit again. She came storming in after texting me, saying I should burn in hell because I'm a dumb cunt that fucks Mikko all the time and that I don't deserve life. Really, I could do better than that and that in my opinion (and in Katie's and my P.I.C's opinion also) it wasn't really an insult. Anyway, she came in and yelled for awhile, while I'm sitting with my really sick boyfriend. Sick as in ill. (Mikko's anorexic and last night he started throwing up blood and he had a fever, so I was trying to take care of him.) Afterwards, she punched Mikko for no reason at all and I got up, slammed her against the wall and punched her a few times, the way she punched Mikko. I swear, if I had a knife at that time...I'd be serving at the Juvenile Detention Center right now. I got rid of her after that, though.
Besides that, I didn't sleep at because two people texted me the ENTIRE night. My P.I.C. stopped at 1 in the morning, and Katie, my best friend, stopped at 5 in the morning. I woke up at 7:30.

This morning I have to go to work for a few hours (I work at a diner, I'm not that old.) and then I have to come home and take care of Mikko, who'll more than likely be sick. I also have to talk to my P.I.C. (which doesn't spell picture, it spells Partner In Crime. *point to x_enkeli_x* she's my cookie, my star, my P.I.C., and my International HIM spy.) I also have to write with my beloved friend Sophie, we're going to write a vampire story and I'll probably put it in this site somewhere. And my Linde/Ville story with my love Kimmie, I'll put it here too. Probably in the Ville/Linde section. Which is Chelsea's community (I think so anyway.)

I'm writing a story with my darling Kimmie, gosh I love her. But, I'm supposed to love 'Queen of Finland, mother of CKY'/my cookie/partner in crime even more. *sigh* x_enkeli_x just demands too much. I'm joking, I gotta love her.

Well, I have to go to work tomorrow with my bitchy, sick boyfriend Mikko. He looks a lot like Linde Lindstrom/Daniel Lioneye/Lily Lazer of HIM, the guitarist. Which isn't all that bad cause Lioneye is sexy in my opinion. Then I'm going home to talk to The Queen Of Finland more. And write my Linde/Ville slash story with Kimmie, my love muffin.

I'm so bored. I'm talking to my friend on MSN, actually a few friends. Kimmie, Stephs, and Nanners. All nicknamed. I'm finishing up my new site. And now I have a stalker named Rachel. She's stalking me and keeps calling me for no reason at all, just to hang up on me. It's a bit frightening. She's such a loser. Ha.

I love this band.